It’s Been a Hard Week

I’m a can-do kinda girl.  A “type A”, organized, make the most out of any situation kind of person.  When this Covid-19 thing unfolded, I thought, “OK, let’s make the most of our time in this difficult situation” and I set about the task of making list after list for myself of all the things I could accomplish during isolation.  Cleaning, organizing, regular yoga practice… the lists went on and on.

I started out strong.  Lots and lots of projects.  I joked that now that my business is on hiatus I’m busier than ever.  Sure, there were days that I wasn’t as motivated, but I pushed through.  I mean, when else was the world going to stop so that I could get all of these “important” tasks completed.

Slowly the drive waned.  Then last week hit.  I was mad about everything.  I was bored, but still had all of these lists of things to do.  I was overwhelmed, but couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t just tackling these projects and making progress.  I didn’t want to “do” anything but felt like I would climb out of my skin if I didn’t do something.  AIR was bothering me.

I texted my feelings to a friend and her response was startling but perfect.  And I quote, “Ummmm–it’s A. F**king. Pandemic”. I actually laughed out loud.  She went on to say that I should give myself some grace and that we aren’t going to do this perfectly–or even well.

In all of my organizing and list-making, I forgot to give myself permission to feel my feelings.  This is a worldwide crisis and there are emotions attached to it.  Emotions that, up until then, I had refused to acknowledge.  I can’t tell you what a difference that text made.  I spent the rest of the day giving myself permission to be irritable, angry for no reason, and just plain irrational.  I honored these emotions without judgment (finally).

You know what?  Today I woke up with a feeling of peace and calm that I haven’t felt in weeks.

Maybe you have been effectively dealing with this crisis from the start.  I admire you.  But for those of you who are trying to manage your emotions by boxing them up and putting them on your newly organized shelves, I invite you to give yourself a break. Feel the irrational feelings.  Rage into your pillow.  Because the truth is that none of us has ever been through this before.  Your feelings just might be rational after all.

Hold My Wine, I’ve Got This…


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